Today was a day just like any other. I was doing my rounds of exploring crystal shops in my area and getting to know the local metaphysical community while also getting to see shiny rocks and the other splendors of capitalism. So when I met another fellow tarot reader and decided to get a reading, I didn’t have any expectations of what I would hear. As a professional reader myself, I love receiving readings to see the variety of talent and wisdom out there among spiritual practitioners.
The reading went like normal: we started with a breathing exercise to ground us. I was asked if I had a question I wanted to ask. Despite the numerous questions I could have asked, I decided to keep it simple and see what the cards had to say. Naturally, the cards did as they usually do whenever I receive a reading: they both hit the nail on the head and remain cryptic at the same time. The old “follow your heart, but we’re not going to tell you how to do that” trick.
The reading continued on with discussions about what I had going on, the blockages I perceived, and ways I could work through them. At this point, I was accustomed to this pattern in receiving advice. All the card readings in the world would circle around the drain of some inner voice inside of me that just couldn’t speak up. We were wrapping up the reading when the reader said something that finally made it click. She mentioned how when we suffer together, we suffer as one, too. That my voice was needed so others could feel seen.
I made a joke about how I felt fear around being seen and that attracting people was the last thing I wanted. Despite having a public platform on YouTube, a loud voice, and a big personality, I have always struggled to overcome the desire for invisibility. My gifts demand recognition and yet, if I was truly honest, no amount of external validation exceeds the peace I feel in silence. When I began my journey with Mind Over Mania in 2020, I had no idea what the Universe had in store for me. All I knew is there was a calling that could not be ignored.
When we ignore our truth, things get easier. Life can become simpler, and you can move forward with minimal effort. For a time at least. Being creative, for example, is an act that defies social expectations and is continually being policed, controlled, and cheapened in the hopes of replicating its power without the effort. People are expected to surrender their gifts in exchange for survival and acceptance. But as with all laws of nature, reality will always win in the end, no matter the costs taken to prevent its sting.
My spiritual awakening conflicted with what my upbringing had emphasized I uphold: prioritize practicality, work hard, keep pushing, focus on yourself and not others, and get a “real” job. I went from having a promising career in data analytics to talking to spirits and reading cards. For a few years, I thought my life was over. I had officially gone crazy, and now I was going to be loveless, broken, and insane. The inner negativity was worse than any bully. It pulled my punches, it stopped ideas in its tracks, and left me abandoning myself to reassure me that the part of me still left after all the trauma and abandonment would be okay if I just shut down and get back to who I used to be.
But as most people learned during those fateful years of 2020, a lot of us changed. Normal had a new look and continued to change.
The reality was, no matter how much I wanted the story to stop, it continued. And now that I’m sitting here in Austin, Texas, after following my intuition and going on epic adventures, I realized there never had been a true calling from the Universe. There was no single holy artifact or grail to chase to point me in a specific direction. Sure, I felt strongly about some things. I had goals and passion and ideas for what that feeling meant. However, the best things that ever happened to me, I didn’t ask for. They found me. I just had to be ready to receive it. And while we often hear we have to find our “passion” or “purpose” in life, I really feel those misnomers are stereotypes. I can do many things and could have done many more. What stopped me was myself. And doing something in your authenticity, even as simple as being, is more of your purpose in life than any project you complete, job, or relationship.
To me, if you are trying to find yourself, your higher state, or something beyond yourself, the best advice I can give you is to have no expectations and just go for it. Go to that random crystal shop. Talk to that bartender. Sing for yourself in the shower. Write that song. If the thing you’re afraid of doing the most is holding you back, then do the next best thing: do something easy first. The rest will come later when it needs to.
I can tell you that getting a tarot reading every once and a while may not change your life. Heck, it may even be a waste of money from time to time. But when it does land, you get the reminder that every bit of advice comes down to: you’re on a journey. Embrace it fully and see what comes next.
Leave a Reply